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You don't need a ton of friends for your life to matter.
- Stephen GomezYou don't need to save the world, you don't need to be famous or loved by many, you don't need money or power. All you need is one person. All you need is to matter to one person. All you need is one person to always be these for you, to love you no matter what. Love is awesome, but why is it less than three? |
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hey soul sister
Yanbing ♥11 January listen to your heart
to die for
I REALLY WANT THEM OMG.Gakken Flex 35mm TLR DIY Superheadz Golden Half Tomy ToLNe 35mm Vistaquest VQ1015R2 (sky blue) the feel good drag
THEY ARE MINE.Nikon Coolpix S7 Quad cam (Green) x:version (Pink) Fisheye 2 (Black) Diana Mini from yesterday
always remember
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
I need to do some reflecting
Man, school's starting soon..That sucks ): Okay fine, I've mixed feelings about it. Being in school makes me happier cause I don't feel like I'm purely wasting my life away and that I'm doing more constructive stuff. But I don't want MYEs I'm not prepared. At all. I don't like being in AJ either. I want my close SC friends. Sigh ): If only my mum isn't so restrictive.. I want to spend as much time as I can with all my close friends. Even if it is to like have some 'overnight study camp' sort of thing hahah. It'll still be damn fun!!! I really really miss being around those people I'm damn comfortable with. Those people I can really be myself with. I never thought I'd feel this way, but I really didn't feel like I'm being myself sometimes while I'm with people from AJ. Sometimes I even feel like I'm trying too hard. So much for critisising those who try too hard to fit in. I feel like I'm turning into a hypocrite. Yes, I just realised that. As in, I've had this bad feeling about the person I'm turning into, but not what it is exactly. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I want to be that sincere Yanbing I was. I wish I could have used "am" instead of "was" at the end of that sentence.. Okay, maybe that was a little exaggerated. Yes, okay, I'd like to believe that it's really exaggerated. I may be turning into someone that's not the old Yanbing from like 2 or 3 years ago, but I'm still very much myself. I haven't changed that much. Sometimes I feel weird after certain conversations that I have with AJ people. I look back at all the stuff that I said, all my reactions and the thoughts that I had.. I get a shock sometimes. No I don't want it to be like that at all. Maybe this is just part of growing up. "If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else though of you, would you forget who you really were?" - Jodi Picoult (Nineteen Minutes) But secretly, I really feel like it's very difficult to totally fit in sometimes. Is it just the difference in the school cultures we were brought up in, the fact that we're older and we're more wary of one another, or just the people that I mix with? I really don't know. They're not the same as those close SC friends I had. Okay, fine, maybe I'm just weird and I don't fit in easily with others. Even in SC, I had some trouble fitting in. Other than the red crossers and like Alyssa, Gladys, I really don't know who else I feel entirely comfortable with. Okay, maybe there're more. Idk. But these are the people whom I'd like to believe are my true friends and I truely care for and love to bits. Those that I can totally be myself around. I think it's just the problem with me. I'm over sensitive sometimes. I take things too seriously sometimes. Idk what to say about my class, seriously. It's not that they're not nice, or fun. They're great the way they are.. But I just don't feel like I have a place there. It's like, you may be gone but no one will realise after quite a while. Walking from class to class, you may be walking all alone, but everyone else is happily talking to each other. They seem to have endless topics to talk about with each other, but when it comes to me, it gets awkward and the conversations barely gets anywhere. Okay fine, maybe the class' just clique-ish. Idk. I really don't know. Idk what to feel about this anymore. It's 4.05am and here I am, reflecting on my character/personality. Right. Omg maybe it's just cause I'm weird that's why I've all these problems! J O U R N E Y Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo Copyright 1999, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP) It's a long, long journey Till I know where I'm supposed to be It's a long, long journey and I don't know if I can believe When shadows fall and block my eyes I am lost and know that I must hide It's a long, long journey Till I find my way home to you Many days I've spent Drifting on through empty shores Wondering what's my purpose Wondering how to make me strong I know I will falter I know I will cry I know you'll be standing by my side It's a long, long journey And I need to be close to you Sometimes it seems no one understands I don't even know why I do the things I do When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul Will you break down these walls and pull me through? 'Cause it's a long, long journey Till I feel that I am worth the price You paid for me on calvary Beneath those stormy skies When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes It feels like everything is out to make me lose control It's a long, long journey Till I find my way home to you |